a short encounter with light

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am I not a fleshy pinhole camera

the world projected upside down

in the dark room hidden inside my brain?

 

I see the big universe through the finite aperture of a small life

and try to narrow the circle of confusion

 

after a long exposure to daily life

I go to bed with a couple of nickel movies

captured on my vitagraph

 

my ideas are sharp but only in black and white

and my vision is a virtually constant depth of field

 


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the brickless bricklayer

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I am a broken brick stone

thrown by the roadside

next to an old railroad.

I lie in the grass

cooper red in the warm golden sun

soaked in the pouring rain

and I dream.

Sometimes a bricklayer would pick me up

with his big worked hands

examine me shortly

then throw me back on the ground

and I sigh.

I watch the cars, the clouds

the people passing by

all coming from and going somewhere

part of a built structure

that can’t be torn down

and I sigh

and I dream

of Taj Mahal

and Saint Peter’s Dome

of smiling with my freckled face

from the front wall of an old English house

or even from the front gate

at the end of a narrow asphalt road

inviting the guests in the wild garden

I dream of a small apartment block

made of rows upon rows of brick stones

all shining under a cape of mortar

happy to be stuck together

with their perfect edges.

but I’m a toothless old brick stone

thrown by the roadside

looking at my dreams, at my hopes

at my life passing by

waiting for a ride

in a steam train

on the old railroad

to the town of the brickless bricklayer.

 


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the I dilemma

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there’s always this I

standing in the way

 

I love

I can’t

I suffer

I hope

 

filling up the universe

blinding me like a straw

in the eye

 

I feel

I think

I hope

but I want

 

breaking me down

with the will of its desires

 

I hate

I hope

I am thirsty

of power

 

there’s all these I’s

standing in the way

entire woods of shining swords

or huge wolf canines

ready to chew up everything

 

and I

hiding small and humble

behind these huge I’s

crushed in the dark

growing in the shadow

like a poisonous snake

crawling in the dirt

a freshly growing ego

 

it’s all about the I’s

 

the I hope

the I scream

the I shout

the I mourn

 

there are so many I’s

and the deeper I go

there is I in the I in the I

 

and I’m tired

I’m loaded

I’m useless

but I hope

 

and I can see no end to it

no relieve

no nirvana

I is filled with I’s

up to its cells

its atoms

its quarks

 

I can’t grasp anything

beyond the hopeless fight

of my egos

 


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the accidental threesome

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a walk holding hands

strolling through the late Friday afternoon in the city

a me-and-you scene

window shopping

in the hipp boutiques of the 7th district

we’re going to pick up my lost phone

at the organic shop

when I suddenly hear:

 

„hola niña“

 

and there he stands in front of me

— I most certainly shivered with surprise

a sudden rush of adrenaline rocketing to my brain —

for a second we look each other in the eyes deeply

then he quickly slips by

I follow his half-circle trajectory

— orbiting bewildered in this new constelation —

and we all stop

 

„hola niña“ he says

 

I take a deep breath and I smile and I greet

— and I think to myself: whit a quirk of fate

we finally come to the end of it —

and he stands there as if stroke for the first time

by the sight of me plunging into his reality with a splash

 

„hola niña“ he says

 

and I feel a sudden shift in the attraction force:

it is too late for promises and mending broken hearts, I reply

quietly facing him with you looking over my shoulder

— and I know this is the turning point

the escaping gap I was searching for

and I rush through it madly —

 

„hola niña“

these are the last words

sealing the past

setting me free at last

 

I turn around and you say: ”who’s that guy?“

„just a friend“ I reply

happily evading this accidental threesome


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this great moment of silence

 

we are two huge stars

collapsing into each other

erupting out of our own gravitation

like hot lava

molding into a new planet

 

 

— you won’t believe it, I say,

for the first time

this moment, right here

is so real I can almost feel its fabric in my mouth

filling me up, bursting out of my skin —

 

 

I can see its spherical body

shaping out of our flesh

with high rivers eroding our bones

piling them up in mountains

our blood a deep dark ocean

 

 

— as we lie hand in hand at the shore

waiting for the sunset, you say,

our fingers will dive deep in the sand

and our hair will grow into leaves

rustling in this great moment of silence —

 

 

our new universe is carnal and wet

yet light is embedded in the dark matter.


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the unknotting problem

 

you try to smoothly unknot yourself

 

– I catch you with a smile brightening up your face

softly biting your lower lip as you watch me –

 

but you don’t know

that we have always been two free ends

of a one-dimensional line segment

stretching out through time and space

until we met and started wrapping around ourselves arbitrarily

 

– and the space between us becomes fluid

as we pass each other by

as we sit drinking a coffee together –

 

and you try to stretch away from this physically inviolable bound

but keep bouncing back unknowingly

 

– and we face each other smilingly

words locked down in the deep

and we’d say each other anything

to avoid having said the unsayable –

 

towards the inevitable destiny of a knot

fusing its two free ends together

becoming an unknot

 


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a storm is rushing our bodies in the night

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it’s late

and we’re turning into wind

growing wild from the inside

running over rooftops

laughing out loudly

at a darkening blue sky

 

a storm is approaching

we can smell it in the hot air

breaking out like sweat

through the skin of the houses

flooding the streets

invading this town’s dreams

 

a thunder of joy

is hidden in the deep silence

as we lie on our backs

at the edge of a shelf cloud

growing like a shadow

over the sleepy sun

 

our breath is heavy and moist

 

under the electric dark blue sky

we smile shyly

 

and suddenly

we collide into each other

like two air masses of different temperatures

creating an undular bore

crushing the crystal clear evening

 

and it rains

 

it rains for hours

for days and for weeks

we loose track of ourselves

trapped in the wet tornado of our bodies

rushing in the deep black night.

 


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